Heal Your Life by Giving the Gift You Always Wanted
Posted on: April 15, 2013
I recently connected online with a cousin I did not know I had. She had lived outside of our family and knew very little about our shared grandmother. I happily shared information and pictures and knew that it meant a lot to her. It felt natural and easy to do and I was excited to have this new cousin come in to my life.
It was only later that I realized the deeper level of healing going on. I was giving her the gift that I had always wanted. When I was a child, my father did not talk about his parents and even today it is surprising how little I know about them. All I have are names, dates, and a few little stories. There was an empty space in the grandparent files of my heart and I would have loved for someone to tell me more.
When we do not receive something we want or need as a child we carry the feeling of that absence with us into our future lives. When it is triggered we may even feel like the child we were when we had the original experience or respond in an immature way. I have found that the act of giving is a beautiful and natural way to bring these issues full circle.
Give to Yourself: If you wanted to be loved, love yourself. If you wanted to be heard, listen to your heart. If you were kept from following your dreams, choose a dream and go for it.
Give to Someone Else: If you were treated badly or held back in some way, you can give others the opposite experience. This happens a lot with our children. I have a client who grew up with an alcoholic father and is committed to giving her children the gift of a sober and healthy home.
Give to Your Inner Child: Imagine yourself at an age when there was something missing in your life. Picture yourself as that child. You can talk to her, hug her, color with her, or play on the swings at the park. You might be surprised how healing and how much fun it is to relate with your inner little one.
There will be times, like in my story, when this happens so naturally that you do not even notice what is happening. And, there will be other times when you sense an old need and make a conscious choice to work with it. Either way, you are stepping into opportunities for healing and moving forward.
Happy Giving!
12 Responses to "Heal Your Life by Giving the Gift You Always Wanted"
April 15, 2013 at 9:59 am
Even at age 53, I like to go to the park and sit on the swings. It’s something I loved doing as a child and don’t think it should be forsaken simply because I “grew up.”
When the grandkids come over to the house, I love playing sick and letting the kids play DR and nurse. They love being with their Nana and I love the idea that I get to play as I did as a child. 🙂
April 15, 2013 at 10:10 am
You are clearly in touch with your inner little one. Keep playing!
April 15, 2013 at 3:23 pm
Hi Linda,
I’ve made it a point to give to myself and others, especially the things I was denied or just didn’t get enough of.
I always loved the merry-go-round as kid, so I don’t miss an opportunity to get on one even today.
During a memorable trip to visit my oldest daughter during Christmas season in the San Francisco area, she surprised me with a trip to view the department store windows with animated characters like the ones of my childhood and a trip to ride the merry-go-round. That was the best gift ever.
My mom always celebrated our birthdays with a cake and song, but I always longed for themed parties. So I gave my kids themed birthday parties and as an adult, I give myself themed celebrations for my birthday, holidays and sometimes just because.
April 15, 2013 at 4:29 pm
You are a master at this already. Thank you for the beautiful illustrations of how it works in real life.
April 15, 2013 at 4:36 pm
Hi Linda,
After reading and posting a comment, I began to consider what special thing I want to do for my upcoming birthday. I saw that the Getty Museum is having a Tea by the Sea with little sandwiches and snacks made from their garden. Since the Getty is a good drive from me, I also began researching limos. Cool, heh? Want to go?
November 1, 2013 at 5:55 pm
What you say is certainly true, but some people take a lifetime put this advice to work in their lives. I hope anyone reading this will take it to heart and not wait that long.
November 1, 2013 at 6:25 pm
I agree Clara. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if everyone lived this way…
Life Coach Linda 
April 15, 2013 at 8:29 am
Great post! It is in giving that we receive. I always say to give that which you want.
What goes around comes around, afterall.
Thanks,
Kathy
April 15, 2013 at 10:11 am
So true!