Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category
Is there someone in your life who you find intimidating or challenging? Perhaps it is time for a change in perspective.
Just imagine them:
- As a toddler having a tantrum
- Shrinking to a very small size and speaking in a mouse sized voice
- With words flashing on their forehead like sad, hurt, insecure, afraid, etc.
- As the sweet little infant they once were
- Morphing into a cartoon or fairy tale character
And, my favorite:
- See them for who they really are – a beautiful soul in a human body having a not so pretty life experience.
Don’t forget to leave a comment with your thoughts, ideas, or experiences using these tools.
Even great relationships have their ups and downs. When a relationship hiccup comes into your life, how you move through it can make all the difference.
This 5 step process will support you in becoming more clear and processing things in a healthy way.
Vent It: Write your upsets out on paper instead of venting at your partner or to other people who don’t need to be involved. Find a quiet time and space and just let the words flow. When you are done, destroy the paper in some way.
Get Perspective: Someone may have upset you, but they are likely supportive in other ways. When you are in the middle of being upset it is easy to forget this. Make a list of their good qualities, how they have contributed to your well-being, and what you have learned from them.
Forgiveness: This step is important for you and does not mean you are saying the other person was right. Forgiveness is a way of releasing the hold a person or story has on you. Start by forgiving them for what they did and then forgive yourself for any part you played in the situation and judgments you made about yourself or the other person.
Truth: Ask yourself what is really true. This is another great exercise to put on paper. Just let the words flow. When you release your tight hold on the upsetting story, the truth will be revealed.
Move Forward: You get to choose what to do next. You may feel there is something you want to communicate or an action you want to take. Perhaps, you are ready to return your focus to love and gratitude for the relationship. This is your opportunity to step into consciously creating a new story for yourself and the relationship you are a part of.
These tools work for all types of relationships and can also be used to heal what has happened in your past.
We all do it. Greet people with those automatic responses.
Hi. How are you?
Fine, and you?
You look nice today.
I like your dress.
Is that a new haircut?
Your dog is cute.
Etc. Etc. Etc.
What would happen if we became fully present with each person we encounter?
What if we started complimenting people for things other than their appearance?
What if we stopped, checked within, and told people why we are truly glad to see them?
Are you ready to give it a try?
We all have those conversations. The ones where you are trying to get a point across and the other person is standing in front of you, but not really there. This is especially prevalent in long term relationships where you keep having the same conversation over and over again. It is important to notice when what you are doing is not working and look for new ways to communicate.
What Usually Doesn’t Work:
- Repeating yourself to be heard
- Using more words or talking a long time
- Accusing them of not listening
- Asking them to repeat what you said in a challenging way
- Fighting or storming off
- Playing the I am right – you are wrong game
What Might Work:
- Timing the conversation when they are not busy with other things
- Creating an intention of being safe for the other person
- Asking for a few moments of focused time
- Keeping your voice and energy as neutral as possible
- Inviting them to engage by asking a question every few sentences
- Keeping them connected with frequent questions
- Using what and how questions to help them open up
Samples of Questions that Can Support Engaged Communication:
- What do you think?
- How am I doing at describing this?
- What feels right to you?
- How did this feel to you when it happened?
- Were you aware of this at the time?
- What was your intention?
- What questions do you have?
- What would you prefer?
- What do you think made this happen?
- How would you like it to be?
- What do you need from me?
- What is it about this that we keep getting stuck here?
- What ideas do you have?
- What do you think we should do next?
- How can we support each other through this?
- How can we make this work better next time?
There is still a lot of confusion about what life coaches do. Even coaches have difficulty putting it into words. Add to that, all of the different specialties and niches and it can be challenging to know when you would benefit from having a coach of your own.
One of the times when coaching can make a big difference in your life is when you are facing a crisis or challenge. It might be a divorce, end of a career, or anything that upsets your balance. During times like these the support of an experienced, well trained coach can have a huge impact on how you feel and move through the situation.
Here are some of the ways a coach can help in troubled times:
- Providing a safe space for you to talk things out and feel heard
- Sharing tools and skills that will support you during the process
- Providing honest, unbiased feedback
- Reminding you to take care of and nurture yourself
- Supporting you in identifying your options and choosing a path
- Helping you explore and shift limiting thoughts and beliefs
- Supporting you in reconnecting with your true self
- Reminding you to acknowledge and appreciate yourself along the way
- Helping you rebuild your confidence and connect with your inner power
- Providing support as you let go of what no longer serves you
- Helping you bring forward a vision of what you want to create in your life
- Guiding you along the path that turns that vision into reality
If you would like coaching support through a life challenge, email: email@example.com for a free consultation.
Is what I am doing working?
Almost every day I see examples of people who keep doing the same things and hoping for different results. In many cases they are doing exactly what will get them what they don’t want, sometimes for decades. Here’s what I mean:
- Nagging = people stop listening and shut down
- Dating desperation = scaring people off
- Waiting = not making your dreams come true
- Not asking for what you want = not getting it
- Not being authentically you = never finding your true kindred spirits
- Guarding your heart to protect it = not being available for what you want most
What are the repeated patterns in your life that are not working? It’s time to stop putting energy into them and start focusing on what will really work. Asking yourself the question, “Is what I am doing working?”, is a great place to start.
If you would like the support of a Life Coach for this process, I would be happy to help.
Expectations are just thoughts or judgments that we hold within ourselves. They can set us up to feel disappointment and anger as well as alienate the people we have expectations of. Expectations carry tight and rigid energy that hurts both the person carrying them and the person they are placed on. Releasing expectations frees us from that energy and feels peaceful. Like a surrendering to the truth of what is.
The world continues around us whether or not we have expectations. The same things happen. The difference is how we let them affect us and whether we set ourselves up to be disappointed, or not. When we drop expectations we free up a lot of energy that can be used to create what we want in our lives. Our eyes are more open to opportunities. All of the same possibilities will show up, and we are more likely to be able to see and act on them.
Life without expectations is lighter. It is about living free in the moment and being curious about what will happen next. We may have plans or ideas, but remain flexible if something more interesting or better shows up. A life without expectations also means allowing others to live their own lives without causing them to feel judged, guilty, or like they will never be good enough.
Sounds pretty good to me…..
If you would like support in releasing expectations – call or email for a free consultation firstname.lastname@example.org (714) 282-0704