Archive for the ‘Communication’ Category
Is there someone in your life who you find intimidating or challenging? Perhaps it is time for a change in perspective.
Just imagine them:
- As a toddler having a tantrum
- Shrinking to a very small size and speaking in a mouse sized voice
- With words flashing on their forehead like sad, hurt, insecure, afraid, etc.
- As the sweet little infant they once were
- Morphing into a cartoon or fairy tale character
And, my favorite:
- See them for who they really are – a beautiful soul in a human body having a not so pretty life experience.
Don’t forget to leave a comment with your thoughts, ideas, or experiences using these tools.
I love this TED talk by Ron Gutman about the power of smiling and think it is a great reminder as we begin a new week.
Even great relationships have their ups and downs. When a relationship hiccup comes into your life, how you move through it can make all the difference.
This 5 step process will support you in becoming more clear and processing things in a healthy way.
Vent It: Write your upsets out on paper instead of venting at your partner or to other people who don’t need to be involved. Find a quiet time and space and just let the words flow. When you are done, destroy the paper in some way.
Get Perspective: Someone may have upset you, but they are likely supportive in other ways. When you are in the middle of being upset it is easy to forget this. Make a list of their good qualities, how they have contributed to your well-being, and what you have learned from them.
Forgiveness: This step is important for you and does not mean you are saying the other person was right. Forgiveness is a way of releasing the hold a person or story has on you. Start by forgiving them for what they did and then forgive yourself for any part you played in the situation and judgments you made about yourself or the other person.
Truth: Ask yourself what is really true. This is another great exercise to put on paper. Just let the words flow. When you release your tight hold on the upsetting story, the truth will be revealed.
Move Forward: You get to choose what to do next. You may feel there is something you want to communicate or an action you want to take. Perhaps, you are ready to return your focus to love and gratitude for the relationship. This is your opportunity to step into consciously creating a new story for yourself and the relationship you are a part of.
These tools work for all types of relationships and can also be used to heal what has happened in your past.
We all do it. Greet people with those automatic responses.
Hi. How are you?
Fine, and you?
You look nice today.
I like your dress.
Is that a new haircut?
Your dog is cute.
Etc. Etc. Etc.
What would happen if we became fully present with each person we encounter?
What if we started complimenting people for things other than their appearance?
What if we stopped, checked within, and told people why we are truly glad to see them?
Are you ready to give it a try?
My client was really upset. Her husband spent the morning watching Nascar on TV instead of cleaning the yard as promised. She could feel her frustration become more intense with the sound of each lap the cars made around the track. By the time she talked to me on Monday, she was ready to vent.
I listened to her story about how terrible her husband was and how he was to blame. I think she was a little surprised by what happened next. When I suggested that she was the source of her own discomfort, she stopped short.
People do things we don’t like and sometimes those things impact our lives in negative ways, but we always have a choice in how we process them. What my client’s husband chose to do that morning was about him, but, my client’s reaction was all her own. She could have handled the situation without feeling like a victim or suffering.
Relationships are complicated and we are all human, but we do have choices. The next time you feel yourself getting upset, stop and ask yourself if there might be a better way to respond to the situation. Remind yourself that letting yourself get worked is a waste of your precious time on this earth and will only hurt you.
And then, make a self-honoring choice …
The words we choose are powerful. What words would you like to eliminate or bring into your daily vocabulary?
How might that impact your life?